From here on, my story changes dramatically. I really don't know how to continue this story, actually. I'd like to give a nice happy closure to it, but similar to the way my life has progressed so far, it just seems to get more chaotic.
After learning about Jesus, I started looking at the world differently. Still, things still don't make complete sense to me. I think it would be arrogant of me to think that since I know who Jesus is, I now suddenly have all the answers to life's big questions. I still don't know why certain things happen to me. Why do I have ADD? Why do I still get arbitrarily depressed despite knowing the best news this world has to offer? What does it really mean to be a Christian? Is there such thing as a "good Christian"? I don't have these answers, and while I may find pieces to this puzzle as my life goes on, I'm convinced that I won't fully understand these mysteries in my lifetime.
I took a class on Rhetorical Theory and Criticism, and since then I've grown more aware of the way we use language. I've noticed how seemingly innocuous statements can drastically and negatively impact the way we communicate thoughts and ideas, and in turn how we internalize the things we value. For example, I believe that because of what Jesus did on the cross, I have been re-identified as a child of God. But the way I talk about my life and my experiences hardly reflects that fact. My language encourages that mindset, and I'm stuck with the conundrum of simultaneously trying to express how I feel and how I should be feeling. I could go on. Language is integral to our understanding and perception of our lives, so I believe it's in our best interest to take it seriously.
This brings me to one of my life goals: I hope that I will never stop asking questions. God has given me a passion to keep digging and searching for more information about the world and, more importantly, his plan for the world. I'm not satisfied with simple answers for complex problems, and the world has a lot of complex problems. I fully believe that there is a good reason for everything to happen the way it does, but it would be self-defeating to let challenging and trying moments stifle our curiosity.
I am writing to you, dear reader, instead of writing in a journal because I want more than anything to bring people in on this adventure. I don't believe I am alone in these thoughts, and I refuse to believe that this is a stage I will "grow out of". Please comment and ask questions, call me out on things, and engage in discussion!
Let's do this.
"Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,
and his greatness is unsearchable."